Overcoming a Father's Neglect by Pursuing Godliness - Shea Vaughn
[00:00:00] Matt Potter: As humans, we will never be perfect like God. He knows this and doesn't expect us to be perfect, but He wants us to strive to be more like Him, to be forgiving, honest, to love each other, to extend grace to each other, to serve, to be humble and patient, and to be gentle and kind, and to never judge. These are godly traits that we have the choice to embrace every day.
[00:00:26] We may stumble and fall, but we are called to keep inching closer to God. This takes commitment, discipline, self-control, integrity, and perseverance. We can also ask for God's help through daily prayer and meditation. By reading the Bible, we can invite God to transform our minds and hearts so that every day through our thoughts and actions, we reflect more of God's glory, and who He truly is.
[00:00:54] This week on Relentless Hope, Shea Vaughn, lifestyle pioneer, co-founder and CEO of WBTVN, the Women's Broadcast Television Network, teaches us about godliness and how to become more godly in our lives every day. Shea opens up about her childhood and her parents' divorce, and the two extreme examples that her parents said.
[00:01:18] From Shea's father Shea learned how not to live. As she explains, her father loved himself more than his children, and he didn't care for them the way a father should. But in her mother, Shea found an incredible positive influence who taught her about striving to be more godly.
[00:01:35] We learn how Shea's mother gave Shea words and actions, teaching Shea how to live, how to work hard for what she wanted, and how to give children unconditional love, stability, and a safe place to go where they can say anything without fear of punishment or judgment. Shea teaches us that as leaders, we need to strive to be more godly because we lead by example.
[00:01:57] As Shea explains, leaders aren't born, they're made, so each of us can work toward becoming better leaders, and she shares some of the best traits we can start developing within ourselves to become better people, better leaders, and more godly, including authenticity, commitment, perseverance, self-control, and integrity.
[00:02:18] Shea also inspires us to reflect on how we live every day, as she explains in the end, what we do, how we act, who we are, what we say, and the choices we make, right or wrong, becomes the story of our lives and the legacy that we will leave. Shea also encourages us to look for opportunities where we can praise and serve others because that's what God asks of us. As Shea says, it's about striving to be more godly in our thoughts and deeds.
[00:02:45] When we put God first, when we take the time to connect with Him every day, through prayer and meditation and reading the Bible, it helps us to remember God's instructions for how we are to live our lives. God is kind and compassionate, merciful and wise, loving and courageous.
[00:03:02] Everything that God is He wants for us, he wants us to be more like Him in our thoughts and actions, and every day, in every moment, we are given the choice to move closer to God's image.
[00:03:17] After Shea Vaughn's mother raised her two half sisters, she learned a valuable lesson in how to treat other people.
[00:03:23] Shea Vaughn: My mother actually had already raised her two half sisters because my grandfather was married five times.
[00:03:31] My mother was his daughter from his first marriage. Now think about, you know, five wives by the time that he married his fifth wife, had two children, those children were the same age as my sister and I, and I don't know if my father was worse than my dad or vice versa, but they were not good fathers, and, or good people because they really didn't take care of any of us.
[00:04:04] So my mother actually ended up taking those two children and raising them. So they basically felt more like sisters to me than being my aunts. So then once again, moving forward, my, when my mother went back to my dad, I just, you know, she wanted to bring the family together and the only way that she was willing to do that was also to take the other three children that were my father's and take the one of them that was in a foster home out of that, to be able to, you know, help them, give them some education, give them a home that was stable, give them love that all children need.
[00:04:51] And so I can remember once again asking, asking my mother why, she turned around to me and looked at me and she said, because they're innocent. They're the gems, they're the the miracles that come out of relationships.
[00:05:05] Matt Potter: On episode one of this three part series, we hear from Shea Vaughn as she tells us about her life through the experiences she faced growing up with her mother, she learned to be the best person she can be and eventually confronted her father for all the things he had done.
[00:05:24] Shea Vaughn: Hi, I'm Sha Vaughn and I'm the founder and CEO of WWTVN, which is Worldwide Television Network, and also Women on TV. I'm also a speaker, um, author, and, um, I've been in health and wellness for a long, long time. Done a lot of television, uh, telling about how to stay healthy, how to be, um, excited about, um, you know, getting up in the morning and feeling good about yourself.
[00:05:57] And, uh, and really being inspiring and praising God every day of, of our lives to help us to be, you know, as best as we possibly can. So as a young child around the age of seven, my mother and father divorced and my mother was, uh, born in the United States, and my sister and my brother were born in Canada.
[00:06:23] And at that time she decided that, um, she was going to divorce my father and that she was gonna take, bring us to the United States. So you hear a lot about someone that's kind of just, you know, put some, uh, you know, a package together or, you know, packed a couple of things and walked out the door.
[00:06:47] Well, that's exactly what my mother did.
[00:06:48] She had two suitcase cases and, um, she took my sister and I, my brother was nine years older than I am, and so he stayed behind to finish the things that he needed to do at that time, and here we came to the United States. My mother was a hairdresser, and my grandfather lived in the United States in Ohio, and so that's where we went because he had a small salon and we didn't have any place to live.
[00:07:19] And so we actually, my mother started working there and we lived in the back of the salon sleeping on chairs. Now I have to share with you that because I was with my sister and my mom, wherever they were, you know, I felt love and I, I thought it was kind of, you know, uncomfortable to sleep on chairs, but that's what we had.
[00:07:46] And so as time went on, my mother, um, actually ended up owning her own shop. She actually owned three of them, and also a, um, a place where people could come and get certified in being a cosmetologist. So she had a stu, she had a school where she taught other people to, to get their license and everything.
[00:08:13] Uh, my mother actually had all of us, uh, went through that and had our licenses because she wanted us to, uh, realize that um, no matter what happened, we would have something that we could make a living on and a good one. And so the years went by, I was the youngest of the three children. My father ended up living with another woman, Bert, and had three children.
[00:08:45] And my mother continued, never paid, my father never paid a a cent. My mother had to do everything on her own. All I just saw my mother working every day and never saying anything bad about anyone, I mean, you know, I'd ask my mother questions and my about my father, and she would just say, something good.
[00:09:07] She just was that kind of person.
[00:09:08] She was that example out there that is so important that we have in our life. But she wasn't, you know, it wasn't a situation like we came home from school and, and she had cookies, you know, baked or whatever was at the door to give us a hug because she was out working, putting the food on the table.
[00:09:26] And so from the age of about 10 years old, my sister and I would help to clean the, the shops. And so, that means the toilets, everything. And so we started working at a very, very young age. And I look back now and I say to myself, my mom was really bright and knew that that would really give us, you know, a realization that things don't just come to you, that you have to work for them.
[00:09:58] That you know, you have to, you have to really know, pay for the things as you get older instead of thinking that somebody's gonna be able to give everything to you, of course, unless you come from a very rich family and they can afford to do those things. But, um, that was not the case.
[00:10:19] And so the interesting part about all this is that I used to go and visit my father, and so with the three children that he had with Bert, um, are, were my step two si, uh, stepsisters and a stepfather. And, um, I was very close to them. I would be, because I was older, uh, than them, I'd take them to the movies or we'd go for a walk in the park or we'd, you know, just get out of the house and play a game together or whatever.
[00:10:49] And then basically I was the last one to get married, and so when I was getting married, my mother and father came back together again, and they got married. And I can remember asking my mom why? And she just said, well, it's a way to bring, you know, the family together. My father, uh, when he was married to Bert, she was an alcoholic, he was, and he was never around. So these three children that he had, um, they were just kind of left to do a lot of things on their own and didn't have a lot of guidance, and the youngest one was actually put into a foster home, so they were kind of there out on their own. And my father really contributed to, um, her alcoholic-ness and because it was easy for him to bring something home that she could drink so that he could go out and do what he wanted to do.
[00:11:56] Because he never paid a cent for, to my mom for raising us at all. And it wasn't like my father sent me money or did anything, you know, for me, in fact, I can tell you a story about my sister and I before my mother brought us to the United States. My sister was nine and, and, um, I was seven and she was taking violin lessons, and so we walked together in the snow to get there, and then we walked back. And on the way going home, I saw my father's car go by. Um, and he would've never thought about picking us up and taking us home cuz he wouldn't have wanted to get the car dirty. So when we got home, because we're kids, we've got snow in our shoes and our boots and whatever, and we weren't supposed to come home with our feet wet, and so he decided that we, he would punish us, punish us because of this, and so took his belt out and started to hit my sister. I laid over her and so that he couldn't hit my sister.
[00:13:10] So I just, I was too young to really understand why, I just thought, oh, I did something terrible and, that stayed with me for a long time, but let's go forward again and tell you about when I got married, my mother and father came back together again, and my mother actually had already raised her two half sisters because my grandfather was married five times.
[00:13:36] My mother was his daughter from his first marriage. Now think about, you know, five wives, by the time that he married his fifth wife, had two children, those children were the same age as my sister and I, and I don't know if my father was worse than my dad or vice versa, but they were not good fathers, and or, or good people because they really didn't take care of any of us.
[00:14:10] So my mother actually ended up taking those two children and raising them. So they basically felt more like sisters to me than being my aunts. So then once again, moving forward, my, when my mother went back to my dad, I just, you know, she wanted to bring the family together, and the only way that she was willing to do that was also to take the other three children that were my father's and take the one of them that was in a foster home out of that to be able to, you know, help them, give them some education, give them a home that was stable, give them love that all children need.
[00:14:56] And so I can remember once again asking, asking my mother why, she turned around to me and looked at me and she said, because they're innocent. They're the gems, they're the the miracles that come out of relationships. That would be something my mom would definitely believe in and say, so I accepted that and I loved my si, my half sisters and my brother. I just seemed odd to me that all these years never paying for anything, or really doing anything for any of his six children that she would be willing to do this.
[00:15:34] So they were together for several years, and one day they lived in, in, in Canada, in the, um, summertime and in Florida, in the wintertime. And so I got a call from my mom, and my mom basically said, I'm not going back to Canada. I said, why? And my mother's reply was, well, let's just say that he got older and a little bit slower, but he never changed any of his habits. And so I said, well mom, you need to come and live, you need to come and just visit me because you know, I don't want you to be there by yourself. Let's talk about this and work it out.
[00:16:13] So my mom came to visit me and stayed with me for 17 years. So when my mother turned 65, she was able to get, um, social security, but because of the laws my father got 50% because she never divorced him. I mean, at that time in her life, she'd already married him twice or, and, and felt that there was no need, she wasn't gonna marry somebody else, but because of that, he was able to get 50% of the amount of money that she was making. Not her money, but he, the money that the government was going to give him for doing nothing. So he'd gotten on the phone with her and said, don't worry about that. I'm gonna send it back to you. I didn't earn it. All of those things.
[00:17:02] Many of years went by. Never did my father ever send any money to my mother.
[00:17:09] And it bothered me because I thought, why would he make a promise like that that he didn't keep? So my sister and I decided that we would go to Canada and sit with my father and talk with him, and my sister went in to talk to him and she came up crying because he had a way of being able to turn things around that, she wasn't perfect, she had made mistakes, you know, all of these things.
[00:17:37] And then I went in and I sat with my dad and I looked at him and I said, why? If you weren't going to do it, you didn't have to say that you would. Or every time you got on the phone, you kept saying that you were going to do it. You never did.
[00:17:53] And here's what my father said to me. He said, it seems to me that you have a need to have a relationship with me. I don't have a need to have a relationship with you. And so that was the confirmation that my father didn't love me. And I really think that, you know, he just, he came from a family of six that, and he was the only one that was not born in Italy, he was Italian, he was born in Canada, and they were so poor. I mean, you talk about hand me down, hand me down.
[00:18:31] He was just, he was ashamed and he was embarrassed and he made a commitment to himself that he was never going to be, you know, poor again. And he lived with that and he, I'm sure that he regrets that that's what his life was really like, but I guess he loved my mother cuz he never married the other, the other, uh, woman.
[00:19:00] As much as he could, but he loved himself more.
[00:19:05] So that was painful to me, and, uh, and it was painful to the whole family, but the blessing that came out of this is that my mom, my mother came and lived with me for that that time and stayed with me until she passed away.
[00:19:18] She was my best friend. She gave me, you know, um, words and, and actions by showing me what, how to live and not just saying it to me, she did it all, and she ended up raising what, let's see, 3, 4, 5, 8 kids because she cared enough to do that.
[00:19:47] So from all the experiences that, um, I encountered, um, where my mother was concerned was that, you know, kids, there's three things that they really need and that is unconditional love, a safe place to be able to go and tell something that maybe they know that they did wrong and they don't want, and they need, they wanna tell you, but they're afraid to tell you because they think they're gonna get yelled at or they're gonna be punished, you know, for telling the truth, and I always felt that I had a, a safe place to go to where my mom was concerned, and we always shared everything, and the third thing is that kids just want their parents to listen to them sometimes, you know, sometimes we think as parents that that's happening, but kind of we have to sit down and look in the eyes and, and give a hug and listen to what they have to say because those kids are telling us everything that they're thinking and what they're doing.
[00:21:00] If you give them the opportunity and by giving the opportunity, sometimes you can save their lives. So that was a big, a big thing that I learned, because my mom gave that all to me.
[00:21:15] Self-control is about really understanding that nobody can do this for you, that you are willing to accept the responsibility for what the outcome is.
[00:21:30] So it's really about the choices that we make, and the choices that we make are going to get us through what we need to do, and you have to realize that in life, that everything that we do, people see that. You can't hide from it forever. Who you are is who you actually, you know how you talk, how you treat people. All of those things is all about leadership.
[00:22:01] Matt Potter: On episode two of this three-part series, Shea shows us that being a great leader is rooted in authenticity and perseverance. Through integrity, we hold ourselves accountable for doing our best. By mimicking God the best values of a leader come out.
[00:22:20] Shea Vaughn: So I wanna talk about leadership because I think that it is so important. It is like embedded in my soul, because it really shows people you know who you are and how you do it. So first and foremost, I think that leadership is truly about being authentic. I think that it's about just being the real you, and if you truly want to help other people, to become better leaders, then there's, there's different things that they need to do to get to that point.
[00:22:59] We don't come out as a great leader. We weren't born, you know, just as a great leader. But anybody can learn how to be that. So I'm kind of gonna give you upfront what is really needed, and then back into this a little bit. So leadership is truly about stepping forward, and leading by example. So if you can just remember that and take that into your heart and into your soul, that leading by example, what does that truly mean?
[00:23:32] Well, there's a number of things that it means.
[00:23:35] It means that when you really want to accomplish something, that you have to be committed to it. And committed is a big word. So many times that we think that we're committed, it's kind of like, you know, Christmas time or, or, or New Year's Eve and, and we're, we we're gonna promise to do something and we do promise something, and three weeks later it's forgotten and the next year comes around and you do the same thing over.
[00:24:05] That's crazy. That's craziness because you're not really committed enough. I'm talking about being committed enough so that, if you had to go and pick up your, your kid after school, you on time, you would climb mountains, you would swim the oceans, you would do whatever it takes that you're gonna get there to do that.
[00:24:27] So, and it's gotta be something that you wanna do so bad that you realize that it's gonna take some work to get there. And if you're not willing to take that, do that work, then you're not committed. So be committed as much as you've gotta pay for your insurance or you're paying for your mortgage. It's gotta be that embedded in you that you want it.
[00:24:52] So commitment is really asking yourself, is this something that I really want to do? And I'm willing to do the work to get to where I want to be. So the second one is perseverance. So perseverance is where that work comes in, and that truly means that you don't give up, and it means that you're not gonna walk away from it because the only thing that you're going to accomplish when you walk away and you give up is failure.
[00:25:27] I can honestly say that there's no failure when you give something a hundred percent or more, not 99. That doesn't work. But a hundred percent will get you to where you want to be. And if it's good leadership, then that's what's going, it's going to take for you to do. You know, it's kind of like the choo train going up.
[00:25:50] I can, I can, I can, I will, I do.
[00:25:53] And they do, but you've got to be willing not to walk away from it. Self-control is about really understanding that nobody can do this for you. That you are willing to accept the responsibility for what the outcome is. So it's really about the choices that we make and the choices that we make are going to get us through what we need to do.
[00:26:24] And you have to realize that in life, that everything that we do, people see that. You can't hide from it forever. Who you are is who you actually, you know how you talk, how you treat people. All of those things is all about leadership, and we do that because we care about the choices, and the benefits of that is that we give the ability to actually show people what need to be done, not tell them because they won't listen to what you say.
[00:26:59] It takes an example, for them to be able to see what is necessary, so take responsibility for it because those choices are yours and they're God given to us. Integrity is the next thing I would put into this, and integrity is about really being honest. So how many times have we had a project or something that we're doing and whatever, and we actually check in with ourselves and we ask ourselves, how hard am I trying?
[00:27:35] Like I said before, it's gotta be a hundred percent or better, or you're not being honest with yourself. And how many times do you hear people say, I'm doing my best. And sometimes they are, that's not to say they're not, but if they really checked in with themselves, they would find this question, is that an ex, is that an excuse to help me feel better when in fact I'm not doing my best?
[00:28:03] So when we do those things, we give ourself a place to kind of like go, that makes us feel good, but isn't really honest. So integrity is, is just, yes, you wanna be someone that is noted as being an honest person, and so many times we're honest with other people, but we're not honest with ourselves because we don't go there.
[00:28:26] We don't really ask us that. We just say to ourselves, we're doing that we're doing the best that we can. I don't know what that really means. I mean, the best that we can is never the best that we can really do. There's always something that we can push harder on and that we can make something work better or become better.
[00:28:48] We never get to that point where we're perfect. So integrity is really important for, you know, leadership and they, and what do you get out of all of that? You get you, you really feel when you've done these things that you feel love because you've made the right choices, because you've got through the, the hard work of this, and now you really get the opportunity, whatever that is, that you wanna get to, you get to experience that and the love that it brings you.
[00:29:20] So I wanna talk about leadership and how that brings God into our lives. Well, God has the 10 Commandments, tells us to be honest, tells us what we need to do, how to lead, and He is the example of what we're really talking about. He is perfect. We are not. But what we do need to do is that we need to be more godly.
[00:29:50] We need, He is the example in front of us that has taken responsibility. He loved us so much that He died on the cross for our sins. He took that all on, shed his blood for us. And when we're talking about leadership, we're not talking about going to that degree, but what we should be doing is taking a look at God, our Lord, who has sacrificed so much for us that wants us to, to succeed in every single thing, He wants us to give us abu abundance, but we can't get to that abundance if we don't bring him into our heart and into our soul and pray, you know, that He will help us and guide us, and He will. And so it is so important in leadership to do the things that God ask, ask God to help you through these things.
[00:30:50] Um, try to mimick what he's doing because He's not doing anything that He didn't already do. He wants us to come and live the rest of our lives eternally with Him. And the only way that we're going to get there is to be more like He's to be serving other people, helping them to become good leaders in sharing who God is and what God wants, and for helping other people to be able to get to their goals, whether it's in business, whether it's in family. It doesn't make any difference. It's all the same.
[00:31:36] We need to be kind. We need to share, we need to serve, and God is there to teach us all those things. You need to take small steps every single day of your life. It's not just the things that I talked about, but it's more than that, but that's, to me, that's not leadership.
[00:31:57] That's, that's about helping ourselves to become better people. And so how do we do that? Well, I think that how we do that is that we get up every morning and we need to do a mindset. The mindset that we need to do is that we need to have such great gratitude for having this day, for waking up, for being alive, all of those things.
[00:32:25] One of the things that I do is that I get up and I go to the window and I look out there, and I don't care if it's storming out there, it's raining out there, or the sun's not shining or whatever is happening. The one thing that I know is that it's a wonderful day and it's a wonderful day because I make that choice.
[00:32:49] And if we start off every single day of our life with something that is positive from within us, that we have the integrity to be able to realize this is a blessing from God, here we are, now, there's things that are gonna happen throughout the day, but what happens is that we are preparing ourselves, because things come at us that we don't know is ever gonna show up sometimes. And so what is great about that is that we are preparing ourselves so that when those things happen, that we are prepared to keep calm through these things, to realize most of the things that we worry about don't take place and to ask for God's guidance, ask for God's how to, what we need to do, if we're not sure about those things, take time and just meditate on what you should do because so many times we're so anxious and so overwhelmed that we jump into something when in fact we really need to back off of that and to give it time, so that we know what the right thing is to do, is it to pick up the telephone and address it? I definitely believe that things that aren't addressed in our lives never seem to go away. But I'm not talking about things in business or something, or even something in family. I think that you sometimes you want, you want to solve it and it's not about solving, it's gonna solve itself anyway, and we wanna do the right thing.
[00:34:36] But I think that we just need to take a a step back and we need to ask and we need to pray, and we need to figure out what's the best way to do this.
[00:34:48] And so every day that we take small steps, starting with gratitude of life and being thankful for having this day, there's gonna be times when it's not good, sometimes we have bad days, but we think about that next day. We're gonna make it better.
[00:35:08] And so it's step by step as we go through life, actually, we talked about my mom. I saw my mom do that every day of her life. My mom was my mentor. I mean, I could tell you many sta tales of where she was concerned and, and didn't know where the money was coming from, but was calm and just worked harder, prayed for that.
[00:35:32] So those are the things. Those are the stepping stones that we are walking on every single moment of our life to get to destiny.
[00:35:42] So leadership, once again, I'm gonna end with what I started, is stepping forward and leading by example, and those examples come because you did all of the work and that you know the things that you need to do that can inspire other people, your family, your kids stepping on a stage and talking about this and inspiring other people to know that if they do these four things, that the love will be there, the success will be there, and everything that they wanted out of that is there.
[00:36:22] Maybe you've said something to somebody that really hurt them and you're just, you'd been thinking about this for years, and yet you really haven't done anything about it.
[00:36:35] And you wanna go and say that you're sorry because you knew that you were wrong and you've never taken that time to do that, and if that person is still here on this earth, it is never too late. And the other thing that I think is really important, don't expect that that person is just gonna open up their arms to you, cuz maybe they're not that person, maybe it hurt them so badly or something that took place that they didn't care if you ever came back and said that you were sorry, but you need to do it for your yourself. You need to do it because it's the right thing to do.
[00:37:19] Matt Potter: On episode three of this three-part series, Shea explains that we need to put our energy into positive outputs by making everyday count and focusing on godly qualities towards what we want our legacies to be. This is how you find happiness.
[00:37:38] Shea Vaughn: So I wanna talk about legacy because that's so important, and I think that some of the times that we're doing things that we're not even thinking about our legacy. And then, you know, kind of time, time goes by and you go, oh my goodness, I've got more regrets, regrets than I, I really wanted to have because I could have done something differently.
[00:38:01] So a story for me that I would share with you as far as my legacy is concerned is that as a young child, uh, my mother put me into dancing, uh, because I was doing flip-flops all over the house and, and driving her crazy. And, um, so I think that her legacy for me was to be able to, um, put my energy in positive way.
[00:38:29] And that positive way was dance. And that was once I was putting in dance, and I, I did everything, I did toe in ballet for a long time, it was a, I was a gymnast, I did, uh, um, um, so many things and even tap dancing and all kinds of things.
[00:38:48] The thing of it was, was that I actually was ended up being put in this group and we traveled all over performing and I thought this was so cool. I thought I was just so important. It was all about me, and then as I got older, I realized that, well, it's not really about me and it's really about the team. And so I felt better about myself that it wasn't all about me and it was about the team because I felt like I was connected to something, something other than myself.
[00:39:32] And then as I got older, then it really, you know, came out that it wasn't, it's about the team, it's about me, it's all about that. But it's about really helping the team. It's about when somebody is kind of struggling with something, you know, something that we're doing and they're not catching on as fast or whatever, that you helped that person.
[00:40:00] And I thought, I couldn't believe the joy that I felt. When I helped someone that was struggling and that was my introduction to helping others and giving, and I do wanna bring in, you know, God tells us this is what we need to do, but I can share with you right now, at that age, I wasn't ready for all of that.
[00:40:26] I didn't put it all together and because I wasn't able to put it together, I found myself that even though I was doing some of this, it was, it wasn't enough, and I had regrets. I had, you know, different things in my life where um, I could have helped my sister or my family or whatever, and yet I didn't make that choice.
[00:40:51] And I can remember years later kind of looking back and saying, ooh, misstep. Opportunity that was lost. And I think that where Legacy is concerned is that the legacy is what we're doing every day, because at the end of it, it's the story of our lives. It's the things that we either embraced and encountered and made the right choice to help or not choice, or walk away from it or whatever, because legacy is really, and the thing of it is, is that this is going to be your destiny. What is your, your destiny is about every single moment of every single day, the choices that you're making and the things that you're doing, or the times within your life that you're talking to God and asking for help, or praising Him for all the, the greatness that He has given us. I mean, there's times in my life where I'm so grateful that, you know, I, I thank him for that. In fact, I never do anything, I never take on a new project that the first two things that I do is that I thank God, I thank God for all the greatness that He's given me, all the success that He's given me, and then there's some times when there's still some things hanging around and I'll kinda look up and say, don't you think it's time that we get rid of this one? But the truth of the matter is what I was doing, it wasn't Him, wasn't God that was holding onto that, it was me that wouldn't, wasn't letting go of it.
[00:42:41] And so that legacy is like, in that moment I realized that the power was within me. Not in anyone else.
[00:42:56] So I think that every moment, every everything that we do gives us the choice that we're gonna feel joyful, happy, helpful, balanced, all of these things. When we praise the Lord, we make the right choices, we take the time to sometimes turn around when you've walked away from something. I've had e e ex experiences when I've jumped in my car and whatever and said, you know, I could have taken time just to stop over to see, you know, so-and-so, or gone to the hospital, see somebody that was, that was sick, or make a telephone call or whatever, and I said, I have the time to do that.
[00:43:41] I think that I don't, and I tell myself, I don't. But then I'm disappointed in myself because I didn't do that. Disappointing doesn't feel real good, and so I want my legacy, I wanted my legacy, it got to that point in my life where realizing that the more that I do that is godly brings a leg a legacy to me that feels happy and joyful.
[00:44:15] And always stopping for a second and seeing, is this really, do you have the time to do this? Of course you do. Don't walk away from it and just know that everything that you, that is praising other people or serving other people is the exact thing that God is asking all of us to do. It's not about sitting back and saying someone's wrong or giving judgment to something. There's so much of that darkness in our lives, and I see it all the time in books that we read or things that you see on television, or just watching somebody live a life that is, you know, you just know that that's, you wouldn't want that and you don't even want it for them, and so you pray for them. You pray for their, their, their legacy, that at the end of it, the legacy is to find yourself with God and living a life that He wants us to live.
[00:45:24] So I was thinking about legacy and the fact that how I view what I do may not always be what somebody else might see in me. And so maybe the question that I would ask is, how do people, you know, uh, look at me and see who I am? I really can't answer that question for them, but what I can do is that I can pay attention to how people react to maybe something that I do or say, because the truth of the matter is, is that what we say, how we act and who we are is exactly who we are. That is who we are, and that's what they're seeing. And I don't know that that is that mirror in front of me that sees me in a different way than somebody else does.
[00:46:29] But I can share with you that I've had times in my life where someone, you know, has come to me and said, I'm sure that you probably didn't mean anything by this, but you made somebody feel uncomfortable. And I would just feel horrible about that because it's, I don't think, it's not just my idea that we don't want to hurt somebody, but it's, everybody doesn't really want to hurt someone or say the wrong thing or cross over in a, in a conversation that's not necessary to, to do or to comment on it or whatever. And so I'm very mindful of that and try to always put my best foot forward and just be better. And I say that a lot because there's always so much room to improve what we want to do and how we treat other people and how they see us as far as our legacy is concerned that we can learn a lot from that, their reactions and how they treat us back and those are the things that I think that we need to be extremely mindful of and take that to heart and pray that we make some changes that are going to be better for us.
[00:47:58] So I wanna talk about the fact that, um, and the belief, but the belief is a true belief because it's never too late to ever do something. Sometimes what we think that, but it's just not true, so I'll give you an example.
[00:48:16] So I shared with you some things where my father was concerned, didn't really pay for anything, you know, basically told me that he really didn't care whether he had a relationship with me, and that was the time that I realized my father did not love me, because he would never say something like that.
[00:48:35] But the difference about that is that I didn't respond to that the same way that I might have, because I knew that he really was saying something that was painful, but that I, it's not that I didn't believe that he didn't love me, but I didn't believe that there was things that I needed to do to get his love, to attract that love, because I just saw my mom do so many things that were right, I knew that I wasn't the person that made that love go away or did something that would cause him to not love me.
[00:49:18] And so, as all people do, they get older, and when he did get older, he had a heart attack and he was in a wheelchair and many years had gone by and um, he really had the joy of having all of his kids around him, some of them going there and taking care of him, um, he had turned, um, 90, and we had a big birthday party for him. And I remember going to that and just being myself, like nothing had ever happened. And the reason that I did that was because it's never too late. It's never too late to give him the opportunity to say that he's sorry not to any of us kids, but to God.
[00:50:15] And to realize that there was things that were said that were hurtful to all of the kids to not see that they, that there was food on the table or he was gone and for days and they had to take care of themselves. I mean, there was really some bad times. And so I really think that there is great importance that no matter what happens, whatever has happened to you.
[00:50:43] That it's never too late to, like, maybe you've said something to somebody that really hurt them and you're just, you'd been thinking about this for years, and yet you really haven't done anything about it, and you wanna go and say that you're sorry because you knew that you were wrong and you've never taken that time to do that, and if that person is still here on this earth, it is never too late.
[00:51:18] And the other thing that I think is really important, don't expect that that person is just gonna open up their arms to you, cuz maybe they're not that person. Maybe it hurt them so badly or something that took place that they didn't care if you ever came back and said that you were sorry, but you need to do it for yourself.
[00:51:38] You need to do it because it's the right thing to do. I've seen so many, um, people that have regrets and they kind of live with those regrets when in fact all they have to do is to reach out and not expect, like I said, for something to be the way they want it to be because they only want to go and do that and reach out if they know that they're not gonna be sorry for doing it. And so that's not what this is about. This is about, it's never too late for you, for us, for me to stand up and do the right thing or address something that's been really hurting us, carrying these bricks around for so many years, and realizing that it's time to set those down.
[00:52:40] So we forgive because it's the right thing to do and it's the right thing for us, and that's the way that we continue to do that.
[00:52:51] It doesn't mean that just because you go and do that, that all of a sudden you're not going to think about it again. There's plenty of times when my, both my mother and father are, are passed away. I'm sure they're up there right now in this room listening to, you know, to this and looking at each other and hugging each other and loving each other. And those are the things that they should have done a whole lot more while they were here, but they're doing it now and that's what counts. And really addressing that and hearing this, I can feel them around me right now and, um, and the love that they have. And I feel loved always, especially where my mom is concerned.
[00:53:41] But I know that my father regrets it. I know that he loves me and, um, and I'm happy for the, for the opportunity to be able to go to his birthday. Because it was never too late to do that and have all of his family around him and talk about the good things. This was a guy that went to second grade, but he spoke five different languages. This was someone that was so dedicated to never being, you know, poor again, that you could put him in New York, stripped, and he'd come out on top.
[00:54:24] Because he had his story, he had his hard times, and so it's never too late.
[00:54:39] Matt Potter: While we'll never be God, we can strive to be more like God in how we live each day. God has given us clear instructions for how to live a godly life, to give thanks for the life God has given us, to be honest and trustworthy, to love one another, to serve each other, to be forgiving and passionate, to be kind and extend grace, to be patient, to put God first, to spend time in prayer and meditation so that we can have a deeper relationship with Him to read the Bible so we know how to act each day.
[00:55:13] God knows that sometimes we slip and He forgives us for it, encouraging us to stand back up, to try again and to keep doing what is right and godly.
[00:55:24] This week on Relentless Hope, Shea Vaughn, lifestyle pioneer and co-founder and CEO of WBTVN, the Women's Broadcast Television Network, taught us on how to keep striving to be more godly in our everyday lives.
[00:55:40] Shea opened up about her parents' divorce when she was just seven years old, and the amazing influence that her mother had on her life. We heard how Shea's mother taught her the value of hard work and commitment and how to give unconditional love, stability, and safety to children, and also how to be a good listener.
[00:55:59] Shea taught us that leadership is about stepping forward and leading by example. We learned that leadership shows people who we really are. Shea also encouraged us to bring God into our lives, to lead as He has shown, and to try to be more godly in our thoughts and acts. As Shea reminded us, Jesus is our model and she urged us to keep turning to Him to show us what leadership looks like.
[00:56:26] Shea also inspired us to focus on how we're living our lives every moment of every day. As Shea taught us the choices we make, the acts we take, the times when we talk to God, asking for help or to praise His greatness, all of these moments create this story of our lives, and Shea invited us to be grateful and to give thanks to God every day, and we learned that it's never too late to do what's right. That if we have regrets, if we have said or done something that has harmed someone else to apologize without worrying or fear how they'll react. As Shea said, we apologize because it's what's right. God does not expect us to be perfect, so we shouldn't expect that of ourselves either.
[00:57:08] But He wants us to keep trying to be better, to be more honest and compassionate, kind and passionate, loving, and forgiving, He wants us to be more like Him and to walk in Jesus' footsteps.
[00:57:20] And God reminds us that He is there to help by turning to the Bible, by turning to prayer and meditation, we can invite God to help us become more godly, to make the right choices in our lives, and to be shining examples, for the people around us, of God.
Overcoming a Father's Neglect by Pursuing Godliness - Shea Vaughn
[00:00:00] Matt Potter: As humans, we will never be perfect like God. He knows this and doesn't expect us to be perfect, but He wants us to strive to be more like Him, to be forgiving, honest, to love each other, to extend grace to each other, to serve, to be humble and patient, and to be gentle and kind, and to never judge. These are godly traits that we have the choice to embrace every day.
[00:00:26] We may stumble and fall, but we are called to keep inching closer to God. This takes commitment, discipline, self-control, integrity, and perseverance. We can also ask for God's help through daily prayer and meditation. By reading the Bible, we can invite God to transform our minds and hearts so that every day through our thoughts and actions, we reflect more of God's glory, and who He truly is.
[00:00:54] This week on Relentless Hope, Shea Vaughn, lifestyle pioneer, co-founder and CEO of WBTVN, the Women's Broadcast Television Network, teaches us about godliness and how to become more godly in our lives every day. Shea opens up about her childhood and her parents' divorce, and the two extreme examples that her parents said.
[00:01:18] From Shea's father Shea learned how not to live. As she explains, her father loved himself more than his children, and he didn't care for them the way a father should. But in her mother, Shea found an incredible positive influence who taught her about striving to be more godly.
[00:01:35] We learn how Shea's mother gave Shea words and actions, teaching Shea how to live, how to work hard for what she wanted, and how to give children unconditional love, stability, and a safe place to go where they can say anything without fear of punishment or judgment. Shea teaches us that as leaders, we need to strive to be more godly because we lead by example.
[00:01:57] As Shea explains, leaders aren't born, they're made, so each of us can work toward becoming better leaders, and she shares some of the best traits we can start developing within ourselves to become better people, better leaders, and more godly, including authenticity, commitment, perseverance, self-control, and integrity.
[00:02:18] Shea also inspires us to reflect on how we live every day, as she explains in the end, what we do, how we act, who we are, what we say, and the choices we make, right or wrong, becomes the story of our lives and the legacy that we will leave. Shea also encourages us to look for opportunities where we can praise and serve others because that's what God asks of us. As Shea says, it's about striving to be more godly in our thoughts and deeds.
[00:02:45] When we put God first, when we take the time to connect with Him every day, through prayer and meditation and reading the Bible, it helps us to remember God's instructions for how we are to live our lives. God is kind and compassionate, merciful and wise, loving and courageous.
[00:03:02] Everything that God is He wants for us, he wants us to be more like Him in our thoughts and actions, and every day, in every moment, we are given the choice to move closer to God's image.
[00:03:17] After Shea Vaughn's mother raised her two half sisters, she learned a valuable lesson in how to treat other people.
[00:03:23] Shea Vaughn: My mother actually had already raised her two half sisters because my grandfather was married five times.
[00:03:31] My mother was his daughter from his first marriage. Now think about, you know, five wives by the time that he married his fifth wife, had two children, those children were the same age as my sister and I, and I don't know if my father was worse than my dad or vice versa, but they were not good fathers, and, or good people because they really didn't take care of any of us.
[00:04:04] So my mother actually ended up taking those two children and raising them. So they basically felt more like sisters to me than being my aunts. So then once again, moving forward, my, when my mother went back to my dad, I just, you know, she wanted to bring the family together and the only way that she was willing to do that was also to take the other three children that were my father's and take the one of them that was in a foster home out of that, to be able to, you know, help them, give them some education, give them a home that was stable, give them love that all children need.
[00:04:51] And so I can remember once again asking, asking my mother why, she turned around to me and looked at me and she said, because they're innocent. They're the gems, they're the the miracles that come out of relationships.
[00:05:05] Matt Potter: On episode one of this three part series, we hear from Shea Vaughn as she tells us about her life through the experiences she faced growing up with her mother, she learned to be the best person she can be and eventually confronted her father for all the things he had done.
[00:05:24] Shea Vaughn: Hi, I'm Sha Vaughn and I'm the founder and CEO of WWTVN, which is Worldwide Television Network, and also Women on TV. I'm also a speaker, um, author, and, um, I've been in health and wellness for a long, long time. Done a lot of television, uh, telling about how to stay healthy, how to be, um, excited about, um, you know, getting up in the morning and feeling good about yourself.
[00:05:57] And, uh, and really being inspiring and praising God every day of, of our lives to help us to be, you know, as best as we possibly can. So as a young child around the age of seven, my mother and father divorced and my mother was, uh, born in the United States, and my sister and my brother were born in Canada.
[00:06:23] And at that time she decided that, um, she was going to divorce my father and that she was gonna take, bring us to the United States. So you hear a lot about someone that's kind of just, you know, put some, uh, you know, a package together or, you know, packed a couple of things and walked out the door.
[00:06:47] Well, that's exactly what my mother did.
[00:06:48] She had two suitcase cases and, um, she took my sister and I, my brother was nine years older than I am, and so he stayed behind to finish the things that he needed to do at that time, and here we came to the United States. My mother was a hairdresser, and my grandfather lived in the United States in Ohio, and so that's where we went because he had a small salon and we didn't have any place to live.
[00:07:19] And so we actually, my mother started working there and we lived in the back of the salon sleeping on chairs. Now I have to share with you that because I was with my sister and my mom, wherever they were, you know, I felt love and I, I thought it was kind of, you know, uncomfortable to sleep on chairs, but that's what we had.
[00:07:46] And so as time went on, my mother, um, actually ended up owning her own shop. She actually owned three of them, and also a, um, a place where people could come and get certified in being a cosmetologist. So she had a stu, she had a school where she taught other people to, to get their license and everything.
[00:08:13] Uh, my mother actually had all of us, uh, went through that and had our licenses because she wanted us to, uh, realize that um, no matter what happened, we would have something that we could make a living on and a good one. And so the years went by, I was the youngest of the three children. My father ended up living with another woman, Bert, and had three children.
[00:08:45] And my mother continued, never paid, my father never paid a a cent. My mother had to do everything on her own. All I just saw my mother working every day and never saying anything bad about anyone, I mean, you know, I'd ask my mother questions and my about my father, and she would just say, something good.
[00:09:07] She just was that kind of person.
[00:09:08] She was that example out there that is so important that we have in our life. But she wasn't, you know, it wasn't a situation like we came home from school and, and she had cookies, you know, baked or whatever was at the door to give us a hug because she was out working, putting the food on the table.
[00:09:26] And so from the age of about 10 years old, my sister and I would help to clean the, the shops. And so, that means the toilets, everything. And so we started working at a very, very young age. And I look back now and I say to myself, my mom was really bright and knew that that would really give us, you know, a realization that things don't just come to you, that you have to work for them.
[00:09:58] That you know, you have to, you have to really know, pay for the things as you get older instead of thinking that somebody's gonna be able to give everything to you, of course, unless you come from a very rich family and they can afford to do those things. But, um, that was not the case.
[00:10:19] And so the interesting part about all this is that I used to go and visit my father, and so with the three children that he had with Bert, um, are, were my step two si, uh, stepsisters and a stepfather. And, um, I was very close to them. I would be, because I was older, uh, than them, I'd take them to the movies or we'd go for a walk in the park or we'd, you know, just get out of the house and play a game together or whatever.
[00:10:49] And then basically I was the last one to get married, and so when I was getting married, my mother and father came back together again, and they got married. And I can remember asking my mom why? And she just said, well, it's a way to bring, you know, the family together. My father, uh, when he was married to Bert, she was an alcoholic, he was, and he was never around. So these three children that he had, um, they were just kind of left to do a lot of things on their own and didn't have a lot of guidance, and the youngest one was actually put into a foster home, so they were kind of there out on their own. And my father really contributed to, um, her alcoholic-ness and because it was easy for him to bring something home that she could drink so that he could go out and do what he wanted to do.
[00:11:56] Because he never paid a cent for, to my mom for raising us at all. And it wasn't like my father sent me money or did anything, you know, for me, in fact, I can tell you a story about my sister and I before my mother brought us to the United States. My sister was nine and, and, um, I was seven and she was taking violin lessons, and so we walked together in the snow to get there, and then we walked back. And on the way going home, I saw my father's car go by. Um, and he would've never thought about picking us up and taking us home cuz he wouldn't have wanted to get the car dirty. So when we got home, because we're kids, we've got snow in our shoes and our boots and whatever, and we weren't supposed to come home with our feet wet, and so he decided that we, he would punish us, punish us because of this, and so took his belt out and started to hit my sister. I laid over her and so that he couldn't hit my sister.
[00:13:10] So I just, I was too young to really understand why, I just thought, oh, I did something terrible and, that stayed with me for a long time, but let's go forward again and tell you about when I got married, my mother and father came back together again, and my mother actually had already raised her two half sisters because my grandfather was married five times.
[00:13:36] My mother was his daughter from his first marriage. Now think about, you know, five wives, by the time that he married his fifth wife, had two children, those children were the same age as my sister and I, and I don't know if my father was worse than my dad or vice versa, but they were not good fathers, and or, or good people because they really didn't take care of any of us.
[00:14:10] So my mother actually ended up taking those two children and raising them. So they basically felt more like sisters to me than being my aunts. So then once again, moving forward, my, when my mother went back to my dad, I just, you know, she wanted to bring the family together, and the only way that she was willing to do that was also to take the other three children that were my father's and take the one of them that was in a foster home out of that to be able to, you know, help them, give them some education, give them a home that was stable, give them love that all children need.
[00:14:56] And so I can remember once again asking, asking my mother why, she turned around to me and looked at me and she said, because they're innocent. They're the gems, they're the the miracles that come out of relationships. That would be something my mom would definitely believe in and say, so I accepted that and I loved my si, my half sisters and my brother. I just seemed odd to me that all these years never paying for anything, or really doing anything for any of his six children that she would be willing to do this.
[00:15:34] So they were together for several years, and one day they lived in, in, in Canada, in the, um, summertime and in Florida, in the wintertime. And so I got a call from my mom, and my mom basically said, I'm not going back to Canada. I said, why? And my mother's reply was, well, let's just say that he got older and a little bit slower, but he never changed any of his habits. And so I said, well mom, you need to come and live, you need to come and just visit me because you know, I don't want you to be there by yourself. Let's talk about this and work it out.
[00:16:13] So my mom came to visit me and stayed with me for 17 years. So when my mother turned 65, she was able to get, um, social security, but because of the laws my father got 50% because she never divorced him. I mean, at that time in her life, she'd already married him twice or, and, and felt that there was no need, she wasn't gonna marry somebody else, but because of that, he was able to get 50% of the amount of money that she was making. Not her money, but he, the money that the government was going to give him for doing nothing. So he'd gotten on the phone with her and said, don't worry about that. I'm gonna send it back to you. I didn't earn it. All of those things.
[00:17:02] Many of years went by. Never did my father ever send any money to my mother.
[00:17:09] And it bothered me because I thought, why would he make a promise like that that he didn't keep? So my sister and I decided that we would go to Canada and sit with my father and talk with him, and my sister went in to talk to him and she came up crying because he had a way of being able to turn things around that, she wasn't perfect, she had made mistakes, you know, all of these things.
[00:17:37] And then I went in and I sat with my dad and I looked at him and I said, why? If you weren't going to do it, you didn't have to say that you would. Or every time you got on the phone, you kept saying that you were going to do it. You never did.
[00:17:53] And here's what my father said to me. He said, it seems to me that you have a need to have a relationship with me. I don't have a need to have a relationship with you. And so that was the confirmation that my father didn't love me. And I really think that, you know, he just, he came from a family of six that, and he was the only one that was not born in Italy, he was Italian, he was born in Canada, and they were so poor. I mean, you talk about hand me down, hand me down.
[00:18:31] He was just, he was ashamed and he was embarrassed and he made a commitment to himself that he was never going to be, you know, poor again. And he lived with that and he, I'm sure that he regrets that that's what his life was really like, but I guess he loved my mother cuz he never married the other, the other, uh, woman.
[00:19:00] As much as he could, but he loved himself more.
[00:19:05] So that was painful to me, and, uh, and it was painful to the whole family, but the blessing that came out of this is that my mom, my mother came and lived with me for that that time and stayed with me until she passed away.
[00:19:18] She was my best friend. She gave me, you know, um, words and, and actions by showing me what, how to live and not just saying it to me, she did it all, and she ended up raising what, let's see, 3, 4, 5, 8 kids because she cared enough to do that.
[00:19:47] So from all the experiences that, um, I encountered, um, where my mother was concerned was that, you know, kids, there's three things that they really need and that is unconditional love, a safe place to be able to go and tell something that maybe they know that they did wrong and they don't want, and they need, they wanna tell you, but they're afraid to tell you because they think they're gonna get yelled at or they're gonna be punished, you know, for telling the truth, and I always felt that I had a, a safe place to go to where my mom was concerned, and we always shared everything, and the third thing is that kids just want their parents to listen to them sometimes, you know, sometimes we think as parents that that's happening, but kind of we have to sit down and look in the eyes and, and give a hug and listen to what they have to say because those kids are telling us everything that they're thinking and what they're doing.
[00:21:00] If you give them the opportunity and by giving the opportunity, sometimes you can save their lives. So that was a big, a big thing that I learned, because my mom gave that all to me.
[00:21:15] Self-control is about really understanding that nobody can do this for you, that you are willing to accept the responsibility for what the outcome is.
[00:21:30] So it's really about the choices that we make, and the choices that we make are going to get us through what we need to do, and you have to realize that in life, that everything that we do, people see that. You can't hide from it forever. Who you are is who you actually, you know how you talk, how you treat people. All of those things is all about leadership.
[00:22:01] Matt Potter: On episode two of this three-part series, Shea shows us that being a great leader is rooted in authenticity and perseverance. Through integrity, we hold ourselves accountable for doing our best. By mimicking God the best values of a leader come out.
[00:22:20] Shea Vaughn: So I wanna talk about leadership because I think that it is so important. It is like embedded in my soul, because it really shows people you know who you are and how you do it. So first and foremost, I think that leadership is truly about being authentic. I think that it's about just being the real you, and if you truly want to help other people, to become better leaders, then there's, there's different things that they need to do to get to that point.
[00:22:59] We don't come out as a great leader. We weren't born, you know, just as a great leader. But anybody can learn how to be that. So I'm kind of gonna give you upfront what is really needed, and then back into this a little bit. So leadership is truly about stepping forward, and leading by example. So if you can just remember that and take that into your heart and into your soul, that leading by example, what does that truly mean?
[00:23:32] Well, there's a number of things that it means.
[00:23:35] It means that when you really want to accomplish something, that you have to be committed to it. And committed is a big word. So many times that we think that we're committed, it's kind of like, you know, Christmas time or, or, or New Year's Eve and, and we're, we we're gonna promise to do something and we do promise something, and three weeks later it's forgotten and the next year comes around and you do the same thing over.
[00:24:05] That's crazy. That's craziness because you're not really committed enough. I'm talking about being committed enough so that, if you had to go and pick up your, your kid after school, you on time, you would climb mountains, you would swim the oceans, you would do whatever it takes that you're gonna get there to do that.
[00:24:27] So, and it's gotta be something that you wanna do so bad that you realize that it's gonna take some work to get there. And if you're not willing to take that, do that work, then you're not committed. So be committed as much as you've gotta pay for your insurance or you're paying for your mortgage. It's gotta be that embedded in you that you want it.
[00:24:52] So commitment is really asking yourself, is this something that I really want to do? And I'm willing to do the work to get to where I want to be. So the second one is perseverance. So perseverance is where that work comes in, and that truly means that you don't give up, and it means that you're not gonna walk away from it because the only thing that you're going to accomplish when you walk away and you give up is failure.
[00:25:27] I can honestly say that there's no failure when you give something a hundred percent or more, not 99. That doesn't work. But a hundred percent will get you to where you want to be. And if it's good leadership, then that's what's going, it's going to take for you to do. You know, it's kind of like the choo train going up.
[00:25:50] I can, I can, I can, I will, I do.
[00:25:53] And they do, but you've got to be willing not to walk away from it. Self-control is about really understanding that nobody can do this for you. That you are willing to accept the responsibility for what the outcome is. So it's really about the choices that we make and the choices that we make are going to get us through what we need to do.
[00:26:24] And you have to realize that in life, that everything that we do, people see that. You can't hide from it forever. Who you are is who you actually, you know how you talk, how you treat people. All of those things is all about leadership, and we do that because we care about the choices, and the benefits of that is that we give the ability to actually show people what need to be done, not tell them because they won't listen to what you say.
[00:26:59] It takes an example, for them to be able to see what is necessary, so take responsibility for it because those choices are yours and they're God given to us. Integrity is the next thing I would put into this, and integrity is about really being honest. So how many times have we had a project or something that we're doing and whatever, and we actually check in with ourselves and we ask ourselves, how hard am I trying?
[00:27:35] Like I said before, it's gotta be a hundred percent or better, or you're not being honest with yourself. And how many times do you hear people say, I'm doing my best. And sometimes they are, that's not to say they're not, but if they really checked in with themselves, they would find this question, is that an ex, is that an excuse to help me feel better when in fact I'm not doing my best?
[00:28:03] So when we do those things, we give ourself a place to kind of like go, that makes us feel good, but isn't really honest. So integrity is, is just, yes, you wanna be someone that is noted as being an honest person, and so many times we're honest with other people, but we're not honest with ourselves because we don't go there.
[00:28:26] We don't really ask us that. We just say to ourselves, we're doing that we're doing the best that we can. I don't know what that really means. I mean, the best that we can is never the best that we can really do. There's always something that we can push harder on and that we can make something work better or become better.
[00:28:48] We never get to that point where we're perfect. So integrity is really important for, you know, leadership and they, and what do you get out of all of that? You get you, you really feel when you've done these things that you feel love because you've made the right choices, because you've got through the, the hard work of this, and now you really get the opportunity, whatever that is, that you wanna get to, you get to experience that and the love that it brings you.
[00:29:20] So I wanna talk about leadership and how that brings God into our lives. Well, God has the 10 Commandments, tells us to be honest, tells us what we need to do, how to lead, and He is the example of what we're really talking about. He is perfect. We are not. But what we do need to do is that we need to be more godly.
[00:29:50] We need, He is the example in front of us that has taken responsibility. He loved us so much that He died on the cross for our sins. He took that all on, shed his blood for us. And when we're talking about leadership, we're not talking about going to that degree, but what we should be doing is taking a look at God, our Lord, who has sacrificed so much for us that wants us to, to succeed in every single thing, He wants us to give us abu abundance, but we can't get to that abundance if we don't bring him into our heart and into our soul and pray, you know, that He will help us and guide us, and He will. And so it is so important in leadership to do the things that God ask, ask God to help you through these things.
[00:30:50] Um, try to mimick what he's doing because He's not doing anything that He didn't already do. He wants us to come and live the rest of our lives eternally with Him. And the only way that we're going to get there is to be more like He's to be serving other people, helping them to become good leaders in sharing who God is and what God wants, and for helping other people to be able to get to their goals, whether it's in business, whether it's in family. It doesn't make any difference. It's all the same.
[00:31:36] We need to be kind. We need to share, we need to serve, and God is there to teach us all those things. You need to take small steps every single day of your life. It's not just the things that I talked about, but it's more than that, but that's, to me, that's not leadership.
[00:31:57] That's, that's about helping ourselves to become better people. And so how do we do that? Well, I think that how we do that is that we get up every morning and we need to do a mindset. The mindset that we need to do is that we need to have such great gratitude for having this day, for waking up, for being alive, all of those things.
[00:32:25] One of the things that I do is that I get up and I go to the window and I look out there, and I don't care if it's storming out there, it's raining out there, or the sun's not shining or whatever is happening. The one thing that I know is that it's a wonderful day and it's a wonderful day because I make that choice.
[00:32:49] And if we start off every single day of our life with something that is positive from within us, that we have the integrity to be able to realize this is a blessing from God, here we are, now, there's things that are gonna happen throughout the day, but what happens is that we are preparing ourselves, because things come at us that we don't know is ever gonna show up sometimes. And so what is great about that is that we are preparing ourselves so that when those things happen, that we are prepared to keep calm through these things, to realize most of the things that we worry about don't take place and to ask for God's guidance, ask for God's how to, what we need to do, if we're not sure about those things, take time and just meditate on what you should do because so many times we're so anxious and so overwhelmed that we jump into something when in fact we really need to back off of that and to give it time, so that we know what the right thing is to do, is it to pick up the telephone and address it? I definitely believe that things that aren't addressed in our lives never seem to go away. But I'm not talking about things in business or something, or even something in family. I think that you sometimes you want, you want to solve it and it's not about solving, it's gonna solve itself anyway, and we wanna do the right thing.
[00:34:36] But I think that we just need to take a a step back and we need to ask and we need to pray, and we need to figure out what's the best way to do this.
[00:34:48] And so every day that we take small steps, starting with gratitude of life and being thankful for having this day, there's gonna be times when it's not good, sometimes we have bad days, but we think about that next day. We're gonna make it better.
[00:35:08] And so it's step by step as we go through life, actually, we talked about my mom. I saw my mom do that every day of her life. My mom was my mentor. I mean, I could tell you many sta tales of where she was concerned and, and didn't know where the money was coming from, but was calm and just worked harder, prayed for that.
[00:35:32] So those are the things. Those are the stepping stones that we are walking on every single moment of our life to get to destiny.
[00:35:42] So leadership, once again, I'm gonna end with what I started, is stepping forward and leading by example, and those examples come because you did all of the work and that you know the things that you need to do that can inspire other people, your family, your kids stepping on a stage and talking about this and inspiring other people to know that if they do these four things, that the love will be there, the success will be there, and everything that they wanted out of that is there.
[00:36:22] Maybe you've said something to somebody that really hurt them and you're just, you'd been thinking about this for years, and yet you really haven't done anything about it.
[00:36:35] And you wanna go and say that you're sorry because you knew that you were wrong and you've never taken that time to do that, and if that person is still here on this earth, it is never too late. And the other thing that I think is really important, don't expect that that person is just gonna open up their arms to you, cuz maybe they're not that person, maybe it hurt them so badly or something that took place that they didn't care if you ever came back and said that you were sorry, but you need to do it for your yourself. You need to do it because it's the right thing to do.
[00:37:19] Matt Potter: On episode three of this three-part series, Shea explains that we need to put our energy into positive outputs by making everyday count and focusing on godly qualities towards what we want our legacies to be. This is how you find happiness.
[00:37:38] Shea Vaughn: So I wanna talk about legacy because that's so important, and I think that some of the times that we're doing things that we're not even thinking about our legacy. And then, you know, kind of time, time goes by and you go, oh my goodness, I've got more regrets, regrets than I, I really wanted to have because I could have done something differently.
[00:38:01] So a story for me that I would share with you as far as my legacy is concerned is that as a young child, uh, my mother put me into dancing, uh, because I was doing flip-flops all over the house and, and driving her crazy. And, um, so I think that her legacy for me was to be able to, um, put my energy in positive way.
[00:38:29] And that positive way was dance. And that was once I was putting in dance, and I, I did everything, I did toe in ballet for a long time, it was a, I was a gymnast, I did, uh, um, um, so many things and even tap dancing and all kinds of things.
[00:38:48] The thing of it was, was that I actually was ended up being put in this group and we traveled all over performing and I thought this was so cool. I thought I was just so important. It was all about me, and then as I got older, I realized that, well, it's not really about me and it's really about the team. And so I felt better about myself that it wasn't all about me and it was about the team because I felt like I was connected to something, something other than myself.
[00:39:32] And then as I got older, then it really, you know, came out that it wasn't, it's about the team, it's about me, it's all about that. But it's about really helping the team. It's about when somebody is kind of struggling with something, you know, something that we're doing and they're not catching on as fast or whatever, that you helped that person.
[00:40:00] And I thought, I couldn't believe the joy that I felt. When I helped someone that was struggling and that was my introduction to helping others and giving, and I do wanna bring in, you know, God tells us this is what we need to do, but I can share with you right now, at that age, I wasn't ready for all of that.
[00:40:26] I didn't put it all together and because I wasn't able to put it together, I found myself that even though I was doing some of this, it was, it wasn't enough, and I had regrets. I had, you know, different things in my life where um, I could have helped my sister or my family or whatever, and yet I didn't make that choice.
[00:40:51] And I can remember years later kind of looking back and saying, ooh, misstep. Opportunity that was lost. And I think that where Legacy is concerned is that the legacy is what we're doing every day, because at the end of it, it's the story of our lives. It's the things that we either embraced and encountered and made the right choice to help or not choice, or walk away from it or whatever, because legacy is really, and the thing of it is, is that this is going to be your destiny. What is your, your destiny is about every single moment of every single day, the choices that you're making and the things that you're doing, or the times within your life that you're talking to God and asking for help, or praising Him for all the, the greatness that He has given us. I mean, there's times in my life where I'm so grateful that, you know, I, I thank him for that. In fact, I never do anything, I never take on a new project that the first two things that I do is that I thank God, I thank God for all the greatness that He's given me, all the success that He's given me, and then there's some times when there's still some things hanging around and I'll kinda look up and say, don't you think it's time that we get rid of this one? But the truth of the matter is what I was doing, it wasn't Him, wasn't God that was holding onto that, it was me that wouldn't, wasn't letting go of it.
[00:42:41] And so that legacy is like, in that moment I realized that the power was within me. Not in anyone else.
[00:42:56] So I think that every moment, every everything that we do gives us the choice that we're gonna feel joyful, happy, helpful, balanced, all of these things. When we praise the Lord, we make the right choices, we take the time to sometimes turn around when you've walked away from something. I've had e e ex experiences when I've jumped in my car and whatever and said, you know, I could have taken time just to stop over to see, you know, so-and-so, or gone to the hospital, see somebody that was, that was sick, or make a telephone call or whatever, and I said, I have the time to do that.
[00:43:41] I think that I don't, and I tell myself, I don't. But then I'm disappointed in myself because I didn't do that. Disappointing doesn't feel real good, and so I want my legacy, I wanted my legacy, it got to that point in my life where realizing that the more that I do that is godly brings a leg a legacy to me that feels happy and joyful.
[00:44:15] And always stopping for a second and seeing, is this really, do you have the time to do this? Of course you do. Don't walk away from it and just know that everything that you, that is praising other people or serving other people is the exact thing that God is asking all of us to do. It's not about sitting back and saying someone's wrong or giving judgment to something. There's so much of that darkness in our lives, and I see it all the time in books that we read or things that you see on television, or just watching somebody live a life that is, you know, you just know that that's, you wouldn't want that and you don't even want it for them, and so you pray for them. You pray for their, their, their legacy, that at the end of it, the legacy is to find yourself with God and living a life that He wants us to live.
[00:45:24] So I was thinking about legacy and the fact that how I view what I do may not always be what somebody else might see in me. And so maybe the question that I would ask is, how do people, you know, uh, look at me and see who I am? I really can't answer that question for them, but what I can do is that I can pay attention to how people react to maybe something that I do or say, because the truth of the matter is, is that what we say, how we act and who we are is exactly who we are. That is who we are, and that's what they're seeing. And I don't know that that is that mirror in front of me that sees me in a different way than somebody else does.
[00:46:29] But I can share with you that I've had times in my life where someone, you know, has come to me and said, I'm sure that you probably didn't mean anything by this, but you made somebody feel uncomfortable. And I would just feel horrible about that because it's, I don't think, it's not just my idea that we don't want to hurt somebody, but it's, everybody doesn't really want to hurt someone or say the wrong thing or cross over in a, in a conversation that's not necessary to, to do or to comment on it or whatever. And so I'm very mindful of that and try to always put my best foot forward and just be better. And I say that a lot because there's always so much room to improve what we want to do and how we treat other people and how they see us as far as our legacy is concerned that we can learn a lot from that, their reactions and how they treat us back and those are the things that I think that we need to be extremely mindful of and take that to heart and pray that we make some changes that are going to be better for us.
[00:47:58] So I wanna talk about the fact that, um, and the belief, but the belief is a true belief because it's never too late to ever do something. Sometimes what we think that, but it's just not true, so I'll give you an example.
[00:48:16] So I shared with you some things where my father was concerned, didn't really pay for anything, you know, basically told me that he really didn't care whether he had a relationship with me, and that was the time that I realized my father did not love me, because he would never say something like that.
[00:48:35] But the difference about that is that I didn't respond to that the same way that I might have, because I knew that he really was saying something that was painful, but that I, it's not that I didn't believe that he didn't love me, but I didn't believe that there was things that I needed to do to get his love, to attract that love, because I just saw my mom do so many things that were right, I knew that I wasn't the person that made that love go away or did something that would cause him to not love me.
[00:49:18] And so, as all people do, they get older, and when he did get older, he had a heart attack and he was in a wheelchair and many years had gone by and um, he really had the joy of having all of his kids around him, some of them going there and taking care of him, um, he had turned, um, 90, and we had a big birthday party for him. And I remember going to that and just being myself, like nothing had ever happened. And the reason that I did that was because it's never too late. It's never too late to give him the opportunity to say that he's sorry not to any of us kids, but to God.
[00:50:15] And to realize that there was things that were said that were hurtful to all of the kids to not see that they, that there was food on the table or he was gone and for days and they had to take care of themselves. I mean, there was really some bad times. And so I really think that there is great importance that no matter what happens, whatever has happened to you.
[00:50:43] That it's never too late to, like, maybe you've said something to somebody that really hurt them and you're just, you'd been thinking about this for years, and yet you really haven't done anything about it, and you wanna go and say that you're sorry because you knew that you were wrong and you've never taken that time to do that, and if that person is still here on this earth, it is never too late.
[00:51:18] And the other thing that I think is really important, don't expect that that person is just gonna open up their arms to you, cuz maybe they're not that person. Maybe it hurt them so badly or something that took place that they didn't care if you ever came back and said that you were sorry, but you need to do it for yourself.
[00:51:38] You need to do it because it's the right thing to do. I've seen so many, um, people that have regrets and they kind of live with those regrets when in fact all they have to do is to reach out and not expect, like I said, for something to be the way they want it to be because they only want to go and do that and reach out if they know that they're not gonna be sorry for doing it. And so that's not what this is about. This is about, it's never too late for you, for us, for me to stand up and do the right thing or address something that's been really hurting us, carrying these bricks around for so many years, and realizing that it's time to set those down.
[00:52:40] So we forgive because it's the right thing to do and it's the right thing for us, and that's the way that we continue to do that.
[00:52:51] It doesn't mean that just because you go and do that, that all of a sudden you're not going to think about it again. There's plenty of times when my, both my mother and father are, are passed away. I'm sure they're up there right now in this room listening to, you know, to this and looking at each other and hugging each other and loving each other. And those are the things that they should have done a whole lot more while they were here, but they're doing it now and that's what counts. And really addressing that and hearing this, I can feel them around me right now and, um, and the love that they have. And I feel loved always, especially where my mom is concerned.
[00:53:41] But I know that my father regrets it. I know that he loves me and, um, and I'm happy for the, for the opportunity to be able to go to his birthday. Because it was never too late to do that and have all of his family around him and talk about the good things. This was a guy that went to second grade, but he spoke five different languages. This was someone that was so dedicated to never being, you know, poor again, that you could put him in New York, stripped, and he'd come out on top.
[00:54:24] Because he had his story, he had his hard times, and so it's never too late.
[00:54:39] Matt Potter: While we'll never be God, we can strive to be more like God in how we live each day. God has given us clear instructions for how to live a godly life, to give thanks for the life God has given us, to be honest and trustworthy, to love one another, to serve each other, to be forgiving and passionate, to be kind and extend grace, to be patient, to put God first, to spend time in prayer and meditation so that we can have a deeper relationship with Him to read the Bible so we know how to act each day.
[00:55:13] God knows that sometimes we slip and He forgives us for it, encouraging us to stand back up, to try again and to keep doing what is right and godly.
[00:55:24] This week on Relentless Hope, Shea Vaughn, lifestyle pioneer and co-founder and CEO of WBTVN, the Women's Broadcast Television Network, taught us on how to keep striving to be more godly in our everyday lives.
[00:55:40] Shea opened up about her parents' divorce when she was just seven years old, and the amazing influence that her mother had on her life. We heard how Shea's mother taught her the value of hard work and commitment and how to give unconditional love, stability, and safety to children, and also how to be a good listener.
[00:55:59] Shea taught us that leadership is about stepping forward and leading by example. We learned that leadership shows people who we really are. Shea also encouraged us to bring God into our lives, to lead as He has shown, and to try to be more godly in our thoughts and acts. As Shea reminded us, Jesus is our model and she urged us to keep turning to Him to show us what leadership looks like.
[00:56:26] Shea also inspired us to focus on how we're living our lives every moment of every day. As Shea taught us the choices we make, the acts we take, the times when we talk to God, asking for help or to praise His greatness, all of these moments create this story of our lives, and Shea invited us to be grateful and to give thanks to God every day, and we learned that it's never too late to do what's right. That if we have regrets, if we have said or done something that has harmed someone else to apologize without worrying or fear how they'll react. As Shea said, we apologize because it's what's right. God does not expect us to be perfect, so we shouldn't expect that of ourselves either.
[00:57:08] But He wants us to keep trying to be better, to be more honest and compassionate, kind and passionate, loving, and forgiving, He wants us to be more like Him and to walk in Jesus' footsteps.
[00:57:20] And God reminds us that He is there to help by turning to the Bible, by turning to prayer and meditation, we can invite God to help us become more godly, to make the right choices in our lives, and to be shining examples, for the people around us, of God.
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